Overflow of Emotions

{Photo by: Amanda}

“When I was excited about life, I didn't want to write at all. I've never written when I was happy. I didn't want to. But I've never had a long period of being happy, Do you think anyone has? I think you can be peaceful for a long time, When I think about it, if I had to choose, I'd rather be happy than write. You see, there's very little invention in my books. What came first with most of them was the wish to get rid of this awful sadness that weighed me down . I found when I was a child that if I could put the hurt into words, it would go. It leaves a sort of melancholy behind and then it goes.”

- Jean Rhys

I came across this quote when browsing through my entire bookmark list of blogs. This one in particular stayed with me all day long. (You can read the post here.) It is a great relief when you come across a quote that resonates so well with how you are currently feeling. The whole situation feels less complex and you feel a little less lonely. Sad is a misunderstood word, I feel, sometimes you are sad, but it is not a negative feeling. Maybe this is all nonsensical, but putting emotions into words has never been my forte. 

On a side note, I have been thinking a lot about this one piece I read in some random magazine that is stacked somewhere deep in the depths of my room. It is about a group of guys who travelled round the world back in the 1900s. I long to find the piece and read it again but I can't seem to face the stacks of magazine that I am in denial of ownership of. Someday, I shall form a system but as of now, nah. Goodbye Horses and The Motorcycle Diaries will have to do as a way of satisfying my desire to road trip. 

Till then,

All's good when you have distractions. 

Home

A weekend away from home made me come to two realisations:

{Photo credit: Marsya}

1) Home is within you, just like I said in a piece I wrote for Third Culture (you can read it here). It surprises me how at home I feel with certain people as well as in certain places. These people and places make everything seem better, despite how shitty one feels on a particularly off day. BUT, I realised that once you start feeling comfortable alone without the constant tingling need to have someone to talk to (via online or in person), you can start feeling comfortable in that little haven of yours. Sometimes a little time off from the people around you is all you ever need to reenergise.

2) Technology does not promote productivity, at times. Do you realise how much time is spent when on your phone? Whatsapp, Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr etc etc is a click away on any one of your phones and that is why it is so damn distracting. I procrastinate by clicking on all of these apps and have made it a habit to refresh over and over again. This weekend, I did not have access to the Internet and so I left my phone, which I rendered useless since there was -10 connectivity, somewhere in a corner. Hot damn diggity, did I use my time wisely. I managed to finish The Help (did anyone cry buckets at the last few pages?) as well as finish a movie I have been pushing off for ages. It feels good to finish things.

These are just thoughts I had in mind that I found the need to spew out as a note to self for future me.

Till then,
Get to work, YP.

Good Times, No Seriously

It has been an extremely long day with 4 hours worth of classes to attend, banana leaf rice hunting, waterfall chasing escapades, Helipad drinks and dinner at Publika. Yet today was very much needed due to the amount of workload I have piled up. Now that I have gotten a much needed semi getaway from the usual routine, it's time to settle down and get everything completed. 

More pictures will be uploaded soon. (So many film shots ah man can't wait to develop all of them.) Too tired to function. Phone posts will have to do because /consistency/. 

Till then, 

Sweet dreams. 

Living Strange

My attempts to write here daily is going strong (3 days is an achievement in my books). Partially because it helps clear my head, in hopes that it would help me get out of this rut. (One productive step at a time.) Also, it would be nice to have something to look back on when I'm 9,358 miles away.

The pictures above were Marini and I's attempts of winning tickets to the third day of FMFA through Pestle & Mortar, hence the overload of PMC attire. FMFA eventually got cancelled which led to a night out in Changkat that failed to live up to anyone's expectations. Over it. Life goes on. Instead of music festivals, I'm looking forward to more trips with my closest mates along with the best tunes and various film cameras. Not jinxing it, but fingers cross.

Till then,
Go out and have fun.

Better Than Pancakes

As much as I believe that pancakes have the ability to heal all, I ultimately believe that friends trump my favourite all-day-not-just-breakfast food of all time. Not only do you not have to cook friends, they are there for you all the damn time, instantly. It's like they have a sense when things are off and that's a connection you can never have with pancakes.

All attempts of trying to make this as light hearted as possible aside, I am constantly feeling grateful for the bunch of people I have in my life. Without them, God knows what sort of pit someone, or anyone for that matter, would find me wallowing in, struggling to breathe. I cannot express my love for them into words and no amount of mushy TC articles will be able to amount to my love and gratitude for them all. The idea of all of us meeting, being able to click and stay together just astounds me at times. None of us really chose each other, but after getting to know one another, we decided to stick around by hanging out with each other, chatting whenever possible and going out of our way to meet up with one another. Friendship can be the most wonderful sort of relationship there is.

Till then,
Clinging to not getting sentimental.

Rut

As much as I hate to admit this, I have come to terms that I am in fact stuck in a damn rut. Nothing inspires me anymore. Outfit posts are dwindling down to nonexistence as I go through my days throwing pieces together in hopes that I look and feel decent. I shop to fill the void of temporary materialistic bliss, but in the end, it amounts to nothing.

This is a total downer. But it has to be said.

I'm sick of the places I frequent to, it's too comfortable. I'm bored with the way things are coming along. I crave for spontaneous trips to the woods or down to the beach, anything as a form of escapism from routine. 

A change of scenery is very much in need right now. I need to be scared out of my wits. A challenge perhaps. Whatever life has to throw at me, I'm ready because anything is better than how I am feeling at this moment. Being in a rut is painful because you have an itch that cannot be scratched, a craving that can never be satisfied no matter how hard you try. It is ridiculously dull, not to say that nothing has been happening, but there needs to be a change in pace. 

*long, heavy sigh* 

Till then,

I have absolutely no clue what I want.

Photo Diary: Rouge

2014 has been a real roller coaster ride, as much as I try to blog as regularly as possible, I know that at the end of the day, it will all boil down to whether I feel like it or not. I'll post updates, but I don't plan on shooting outfits anytime soon.

Anyway, I've recently developed 3 rolls of film and here's the first batch taken with my new baby, Olympus Superzoom 120. The flash on this beauty is amazing, but lately it hasn't been working. Hopefully I'll get it fixed real soon because that would mean more indoor shots. Without further ado:

Most of these shots were taken at the Lid & Let Live exhibit held in Avenue K and my time back in my hometown during Chinese New Year, hence the overwhelming amount of red.

Till then,
I'll be right back.