Running Through

Hi. It's been awhile.

I have been thinking about social media platforms for awhile now, how it affects our mannerisms and our everyday habits. There are definitely pros and cons, like many aspects in life, but after an experiment of sorts, in which I went cold turkey for 2 weeks, I found out that I'm significantly more productive without it.

Yet I feel like I miss out on a lot of things, especially when it comes to in the moment happenings or random things that my friends do that they don't particularly bring up during conversations. Without social media in the way, I read more, cross things off my list more and feel free in some ways, as if the pressure is off. Social media definitely has a certain amount of pressure on its users, in which people say shit like "if it isn't on Instagram, it didn't happen". I do see where they're coming from, but I think it's a great way to keep track of certain moments in your life. I for one tend to forget days easily as everything seamlessly meshes together into this huge whirlwind pool that I cannot detach individual moments from. But yeah, certain expectations are held in high esteem when you have been active on social media.

By David Shrigley

Where I stand now in regards to social media are 1) it shouldn't be on the main page of my phone, instead I have Duolingo (language learning app), so that I think "do I really need to scroll through Instagram/Twitter right now" before I actually do so. 2) I like how you are able to connect with people who are a million miles away on it/find new interesting people/learn new things/be inspired. At the end of the day, it all depends on how you use it, or should I say, abuse it.

This brings me to my next point, I'm not cut out to be a fashion blogger. I don't like posting outfit shots as it is because I find that really uninspiring. Maybe because there's a plethora of people out there doing the same thing, but I know that I'm unmotivated to jump on that particular bandwagon. This doesn't mean my love for fashion has diminished, instead my love for art has been heightened, as I wish to incorporate art, in all its glorious media, into fashion. Opening Ceremony is a good example of that, read: Opening Ceremony 100% Lost Cotton. Leon and Lim collaborated with Spike Jones and Jonah Hill to come up with a play instead of opting for your conventional runway show. The blend of different artistic media colliding into this massive unit blows my mind sometimes, significantly in terms of Childish Gambino's screenplay & album work for Because The Internet. (I can go on forever, ask any of my friends or poor soul that brings up rap/Donald Glover, but I won't.)

What I'm trying to say ultimately is that I'm still on the path of finding what I want to contribute in terms of fashion and art, so bare with me as I experiment, fuck up and dust myself off. My inspirations now are Where Is Frank, Maya Goo, Caitlin Hazell and Eryn Lou. They're extremely creative folks that deserve so much attention for their work. 

As of right now, life has been a turbulent ride with a lot of uncertainties and emotions arising at random intervals in a day. It could be an identity crisis of sorts or just the stress of having to work on midterms. You know how it is. I'm trying to do so much that sometimes I feel stretched out and then I give up completely, resulting in a day binge watching movies on Netflix. I do handle my shit, but it takes time to get to them. There's a lot of thoughts in my mind and my words can't seem to encompass them fully, but right now, it's all good. I enjoy sitting on the fire escape with cigarettes in the air around me accompanied by fascinating people with interesting thoughts. It feels very much familiar to me. (You know who you are.)

Till then,
I'm on my way.

Up To Speed

Total freedom is how I would describe my days right now. No more worrying about getting the best parking spots or dreading waking up before the sun rises. These days I get to focus on things I love to do, that is eating, binge watching television series (Broad City is the bomb guys. Watch it. Live it. Love it), thrifting and working with Third Culture.

With that said, I should really start posting here more often because consistency and memories. Huge emphasis on memories, especially for lonely nights in the States.

Third Culture has been keeping me busy with posts and buys, which is great because I love what I do. No, they did not pay me to say this. We actually got to visit some bundle places tonight, although they were on the highest degree of shady, we managed to score some pretty decent stuff. Do not risk your lives going there folks, it's not worth it. Also, Jade and Shaq the best bosses ever. Who else would buy you drinks in the hopes that you'll get mildly drunk as well as accept your accusations of them being a shopaholic? Not your bosses, I bet. Thanks to Jade, I'm starting to branch out with the writing style and content. She even made a content schedule for my blog, which proves how great of a person she is.

Lots of good vibes tonight as you can tell. Thanks to Ra, Zoé, On and tom yam soup. Oh, fried sotong too. So yes, more posts. More good vibes. More whatever the hell I wanna write about.

Cheers,
YP.

Lists

Highlights of May:

1) The end of Inti with 4th semester finals out of the way.

2) Ipoh day trip with the girls.

3) Exploring Penanag and Langkawi with the crew.

4) Riding it through with the lumps around KK and Kuching.

5) Sleepover with the girls (& On) you can never, ever sit with. 

Things I've learnt (because life is one huge Hallmark moment):

1) Communication is everything.

2) Take a step back when life seems hazy. 

3) Problems can be easily solved when viewed from a different perspective, especially a wider one.

4) Some issues are smaller than we tend to perceive. 

My mind can't seem to form proper words without me wanting to throw my laptop off the bed as I cry out in frustration. Words can't seem to fully describe how I feel at the moment or what I'm trying to say, but hopefully these lists will do for now. 

Till then,

Constantly growing. 

Finale

Future self,

This is a reminder to yourself that yes, education is vital and that finals is important, but at the same time, you should take a step back and chill out from time to time. As long as you have prepared and covered 80% of the syllabus, including key topics, you should go out and have fun because you will eventually burn out from all of those afternoon study sessions that require a large quantity of coffee. Remember the day before Sociology where you met up with Shaq instead of studying for Arts. Also, the night before Sociology where you celebrated Sheena's birthday. Remember that you did all of those things and you still did fine. Remember to relax because stressing out will lead you nowhere. Instead of stressing out, channel all of that energy into studying because hey, at least you're productive.

For future reference: Life Skill Mastered: Procrastination

Till then,
Less than 24 hours to freedom.

Shut Up

As exhausted as I am, I can't seem to fall asleep. (Actually I kinda took a 10 minute nap and was awaken by a door slamming shut.) Not sure whether there's too many things going through my head or I am subconsciously feeling anxious because finals is here and my first paper is tomorrow. But I don't feel it, not consciously.

Instead of laying in bed willing my tired mind to shut the fuck up, I decided to turn on my laptop to watch an episode of Community as I devour two packets of crackers along with a cup of hot chocolate. Now I feel warm and somewhat sleepy. Hopefully putting thoughts down into words will help lull me to sleep because running on 3 hours of sleep followed by a Just Dance 4/Guitar Hero session and full on study afternoon is not fun.

Maybe looking through old photos before bed wasn't such a good idea.

“I know what it feels like, and it sucks, it really does, when you are up in the middle of the night thinking about the things that you’ve suddenly became aware of. The things you’re missing out on right now, and all the people who are not close to you anymore, and all of the good times that will never happen again, and all the people who have meant the world to you who have forgotten about you forever, and you get this awful feeling that’s kind of like a mix between loneliness and nostalgia.”

- Abraham M. Alghanem, Summer & Autumn

Till then,
Knock me out.

Tough Luck

{Photo courtesy of Marsya}

It's 1:47 am and I'm having pre-finals anxiety. This isn't something new, thus I know the only way to get rid of it is to sit down and study till I feel good about myself and can actually fall asleep. (Yes, I've tried to make a list to ease my mind but that rarely works.)

Pre-finals jitters are the worst. I worry about whether I have enough time to cover everything, which most often than not is impossible because my mind's version of everything is covering the entire syllabus twice with notes and by reading the textbook from cover to cover, twice. Over the years, one would have thought that being able to pull through so many finals would help ease the mind, but that's not the case. I still worry that I'll be unprepared. I tell myself that I've already been accepted into a university but then again, I wanna ace my courses because I know I can and I want to. It's as simple as that. Once finals is over and I can breathe again, I will look back and think 'That wasn't so bad.'

But right now, anxiety will constantly be nagging me in the back of my mind as I watch Community in bed or sit down to read Attachments.

On a lighter note, I can't stop thinking about this loft in Portland. You can read the post here but first, scroll down and be amazed. The desire to live in a loft is stronger than ever, plus I have a lot more ideas to work with right now. Finances psh, I'll let future me worry about that. A girl can always dream.

{Photo credit: Remodelista}

Till then, 

Keep it together. 

No Expectations

{Second shot by Tasha}

I sincerely believe that expectations always lead to disappointment. Maybe because the optimistic side of me is always hyping up a certain book, movie, destination or even person. And when I get to read, watch, get to said destination or know it/him/her, I get let down because I expected more, which ultimately is a lose-lose situation because not only do I feel super bummed, but it's unfair for that person/thing as well. Deep down inside we're constantly wanting to get our socks knocked off our feet and when it doesn't happen, we just go 'Oh, what, that's it?'

Honestly, I hate being let down and throughout my roller coaster ride of 19 years of living, I've learnt to keep my expectations low. Never expecting anything because I cannot stand being let down. For my major exams, I managed to numb my feelings completely till the point where I felt like everything was so surreal. And when it hit me, it hit me hard, in a good way. It's a defence mechanism, for sure. I'm still on the fence whether it's a good or bad thing, but as of now, it works for me.

So I've learnt to not expect anything, it's tough but I try. Occasionally expectations are already there and I do get let down, but it has never been a major issue anymore.

I guess why all of these thoughts are swarming in my head is because of the overwhelming load of information available out there. We read, we watch and we learn, even unwittingly. Information gets processed and that's where expectations arise. As I've been the queen of procrastination as of late, I have been reading a lot of articles and watching a lot of videos, most of the time trying to find out more about life in the States. i.e YouTube videos on dorm rooms, Goodwill/Target hauls etc etc.

This has got to stop. (It'll probably escalate as the countdown reaches 2 months. May God have mercy on us all.)

Till then,
Self control is somewhat within reach.

Breathe In, Exhale

This week I had a lot of free time to reminisce as well as catch up stalk friends I used to have in high school that I no longer keep in touch with anymore (liking the occasional Instagram photo ain't real friendship guys). I realised how my life has taken a total 360 turn, in a good way. I'm doing what I love, that is interning for an online magazine/shop, THIRD CULTURE (show us some love). I am surrounded by people who love me for me, a supportive family and all around good vibes. Yes, I did count my blessings yet again today, thus the overwhelming amount of sentimental dopeass talk.

Whatever.

I have so much to look forward to and I'm truly happy. Cheers to life and all that jazz. Just do what you love and happiness will just seep in easily. I think that's how it works.

Side note: I found out that gigs in San Francisco are around about $35 and I think I'll probably spend all of my money on gigs, books, film, thrifted finds and the occasional taco. Because materialistic gains and intellectual stimulation are what live is all about. Sarcasm? You decide.

Till then,
Looking ahead.

At The Bottom Of Everything

{First two pictures by Tasha}

A conversation I had with Marini made me wonder whether being different from everyone else can actually make one seem intimidating. Just because you like obscure music/books/movies and know about certain places, doesn't make you any less of a person. You're still like any other person on the street, in my opinion, you just know slightly more about some different genre of a topic. Others probably know more about another genre of a topic.

You: Hidden cafés, 60s' French movies, European translated books.

Others: The history of Europe, How to make dynamite, Recipes for Greek food.

Everyone has their own interests, that makes meeting new people fun and interesting because you learn something new by conversing with them. I love talking to people about things I know nothing about because then they'll be able to teach me about it. All's well and dandy. If everyone knew the same thing, that wouldn't be much fun.

A: Heard about that band from Munich?
B: Yeah, totally. They're rad.

Not fun at all. It's nice to relate when you have common interests, don't get me wrong, but diversity is nice too.

It's too late for further ramblings.

Till then,
Be yourself.