Running Through

Hi. It's been awhile.

I have been thinking about social media platforms for awhile now, how it affects our mannerisms and our everyday habits. There are definitely pros and cons, like many aspects in life, but after an experiment of sorts, in which I went cold turkey for 2 weeks, I found out that I'm significantly more productive without it.

Yet I feel like I miss out on a lot of things, especially when it comes to in the moment happenings or random things that my friends do that they don't particularly bring up during conversations. Without social media in the way, I read more, cross things off my list more and feel free in some ways, as if the pressure is off. Social media definitely has a certain amount of pressure on its users, in which people say shit like "if it isn't on Instagram, it didn't happen". I do see where they're coming from, but I think it's a great way to keep track of certain moments in your life. I for one tend to forget days easily as everything seamlessly meshes together into this huge whirlwind pool that I cannot detach individual moments from. But yeah, certain expectations are held in high esteem when you have been active on social media.

By David Shrigley

Where I stand now in regards to social media are 1) it shouldn't be on the main page of my phone, instead I have Duolingo (language learning app), so that I think "do I really need to scroll through Instagram/Twitter right now" before I actually do so. 2) I like how you are able to connect with people who are a million miles away on it/find new interesting people/learn new things/be inspired. At the end of the day, it all depends on how you use it, or should I say, abuse it.

This brings me to my next point, I'm not cut out to be a fashion blogger. I don't like posting outfit shots as it is because I find that really uninspiring. Maybe because there's a plethora of people out there doing the same thing, but I know that I'm unmotivated to jump on that particular bandwagon. This doesn't mean my love for fashion has diminished, instead my love for art has been heightened, as I wish to incorporate art, in all its glorious media, into fashion. Opening Ceremony is a good example of that, read: Opening Ceremony 100% Lost Cotton. Leon and Lim collaborated with Spike Jones and Jonah Hill to come up with a play instead of opting for your conventional runway show. The blend of different artistic media colliding into this massive unit blows my mind sometimes, significantly in terms of Childish Gambino's screenplay & album work for Because The Internet. (I can go on forever, ask any of my friends or poor soul that brings up rap/Donald Glover, but I won't.)

What I'm trying to say ultimately is that I'm still on the path of finding what I want to contribute in terms of fashion and art, so bare with me as I experiment, fuck up and dust myself off. My inspirations now are Where Is Frank, Maya Goo, Caitlin Hazell and Eryn Lou. They're extremely creative folks that deserve so much attention for their work. 

As of right now, life has been a turbulent ride with a lot of uncertainties and emotions arising at random intervals in a day. It could be an identity crisis of sorts or just the stress of having to work on midterms. You know how it is. I'm trying to do so much that sometimes I feel stretched out and then I give up completely, resulting in a day binge watching movies on Netflix. I do handle my shit, but it takes time to get to them. There's a lot of thoughts in my mind and my words can't seem to encompass them fully, but right now, it's all good. I enjoy sitting on the fire escape with cigarettes in the air around me accompanied by fascinating people with interesting thoughts. It feels very much familiar to me. (You know who you are.)

Till then,
I'm on my way.

Dear Tasha: Rainbows, Sunshine

Universal Walk in LA, the first night we actually went out after bumming around the house for a good day and a half binge watching Friends. (The day we choose to go out is the day it rains. It's California for goodness' sake, it rarely rains!)

 That same night, we went to Griffith Observatory. It was beautiful. 

 The museum inspired us to watch Cosmos that very night. That show blew my mind. 

Trina is the best person to hang out with. 

That time we got lost and heard coyotes howling only to encounter one face to face. You were there, digitally. 

Nature and its beauty.

En route to Salvation Mountain. 

Mars replica. 

Salton Sea, an interesting piece on Vice that you have to read titled I Went to California's Post-Apocalyptic Beach Town. Intrigued? You better be. 

 

Crossed this magical place off my bucket list. 

 Pour vous, Tasha. 

 Salvation Mountain, Slab City. 

Running after sunsets after Salvation Mountain. 

In response to Tasha Iman.

My winter break is finally over and it was definitely an eye-opening experience. I thought I would have more time to do the things I wanted to, but when living with other people, you have to put into account of their time, which leaves little for you to do your own thing. It was possible, but incredibly hard to do. That's why I feel so much better to be back in my dorm, because it's my very own space that is solely mine.

You know what is going on in my life right now and it may seem extremely worrisome, but do trust me when I say that I'll be fine. I take challenges like these as lessons and I don't believe in being defeated. Striving to be the best that I can be is always my priority, especially when it comes to my well-being. You know that. If life isn't filled with rough patches, what's the point right? We're here to learn and grow, so that's what we are going to do, together.

Distance may be a bitch and a half, but the thought of having you a message away is incredibly reassuring. After the conversation we had, I'm feeling so much better. Just the thought of knowing there's people back home I can always rely on is extremely comforting, so thank you for standing by me. I've been reaching out to people here, so hopefully I start letting people in. Friendships, as we have discussed before, is extremely important to me. I'm trying to view people in different lights and not shut them down so easily by marking them off as incompatible. After all, everyone is going through something in their lives, so I may as well get to know them better instead of writing them off so easily.

People skills, which I lack, need to be strengthen. That's for sure.

Till then,
Hoping for the best.

Dear Tasha: Reflections

{Image credit: Ashley Fenison}

In response to Tasha Iman.

For the past few days, I've realised how insignificant New Year's Eve, New Year's Day and my birthday can be. The weight in which we personally bestow upon these days can be such a huge pressure that is at the end of the day, really unnecessary. Any other day can have that weight of significance to it, I believe. If you wanted to do something so badly, you would have done it already instead of waiting for another day to go by. I know certain things can't happen immediately, but there are steps leading up to it. Instead of waiting around, I want to start doing things in the present, which I think I have been doing in the year 2014. By doing so, positive things came out of it, so I shall do so more in the future.

2014 was a great year. There was a lot of personal growth and achievements. Although, towards the end of it I seem to have lost a sense of being momentarily. I think it's only human to be in doubt of what you want and to fear time. I'm always afraid that I'm not achieving everything I possibly can at this age. That after a certain time, all opportunities will pass me by and I'll regret never doing enough. That's one of my worst fears: not doing enough. That is how I ended up with two internships this semester and two contributing roles for online magazines that I hold in high esteem.

As I read The Happiness Project, it reminded me that I don't have to be good in everything nor do I need to "catch up". The feeling of lost has not completely passed, but I'll figure it out in the long run. A contributing factor of this feeling is not having a place I can go to and call home. Being in a new country with no permanent residence is frightful and before winter break, I had no idea where I was headed and whether I would have a place to stay. I'm lucky in the sense that three lovely people decided to have me during this nomad period. It has been two weeks of living out of a suitcase and certain people and places have started feeling like home.

The future is uncertain and this would all be good stories to tell later on. So, I shall not fret and just embrace what I have, because it's the only thing I really can do.

Till then,
Live.

Dear Tasha: Winter Break Day 3 Update

The last day of Fashion Merchandising class.

The night before finals started, in which we played Cards Against Humanity whilst drinking champagne. 

Jet's first In-N-Out meal! That milkshake though.

Walked around the Pier after dinner.

Early Christmas dinner. 

Me finishing this entire meal (plus taking extras) is pretty much an accomplishment. 

Spent the night at Paige's. When we went back to her parents' home, they weren't in so we had to go through the back door. Lock the front door but not the back? I don't get it but it worked out for us.

Me currently, minus the brownie & ice-cream. 

In response to Tasha Iman.

Yo, finals kicked my ass. Not in the I-hate-my-life-I-hate-cramming-till-6-in-the-morning way but in the damn-I-have-so-much-to-do way. I like finals week in art school more than Inti though, because instead of cramming 14 chapters in a week or two, I'm out in a cafe drawing in my sketchbook. At the cafe, two girls beside me were cramming for their science-related finals and I'm just chilling with my sketchbook. It was fantastic. Although when they get jobs and I don't, that would be the opposite. Me, pessimistic? About the future, yes. 

On Friday, Jet came to SF from San Jose. It was pouring the entire day and I just got back from my drawing finals, so I was exhausted. All we did was have In-N-Out by the pier and then walked around being all touristy. The sea lions fascinated us, in which we contemplated the chances of having a shark find a loop hole and actually entering the sea lion side of the pier as well as a lone sea lion that possibly may have been bullied. All of these theories were concocted by Nikki and I, Jet entertained us by not saying much. 

The next day, I lugged all I needed for a month down the hills of SF, which is incredibly tough because my suitcase kept rolling away from me, to the BART station. So far, my time out of SF consisted of visiting a hoarder (he has so many trucks and cars, it's crazy but super cool), an old woman who is incredibly talented in painting, celebrating Christmas early (presents included) and having Korean BBQ for lunch (today). Also, binge watching tv shows and movies on Netflix: Parks & Rec (done), Portlandia (halfway done - prepping), Donald Glover Weirdo (so good - you need to watch it) and so many more. 

I'm so happy to have so much time on my hands, you have no idea. It's so liberating. 

Till then,

Talk to you soon. 

Dear Tasha: You're Cordially Invited To My Existential Crisis Party!

Crossing the Bay Bridge into the city on my way back from Woodland.

Drawing workshop (Dah lah 6 hours of drawing class per week. On top of that we have to attend 3 hours of workshop.)

I use pastels for the rough and charcoal pencils for the actual drawing. 

The dining hall across the street was closed so I had to grab breakfast from the Sugar Cafe.

On Saturday, we went to a shitty house party, but we looked good doing so. 

[This shall be a weekly post as a letter to my lumpster, Cupcake aka Tasha Iman aka Cottonball83. You don't have to read it, duh.]

Dear Tasha,

I'm throwing an existential crisis party soon because finals can be a brokeass bitch tryna get makeup instead of food. You know what I mean. It's tiring. Instead of sitting at my desk reading and writing notes, I have to go to Fedex and print out close to $70 worth of boards for my Merchandising project. Art school is expensive, as we all know now. Here's a lowdown on my finals:

Marketing: The only paper, but we have to present an event idea to the creator of Glanse app. 

Merchandising: Create a window display for a department store. You've seen it. 

Color & Design: A notebook of all the work we have done over the semester, an analysis of an editorial, and a collection/photo shoot based on colour schemes of your choice. I'm planning to do a makeup shoot so that I can play with colours, you might see it soon!

Drawing: 3 best drawings in class/workshop, 3 sketches of a place using different medias. 

It sounds like fun come to think of it, but it is tiring. I have so much to do and you know how I feel about time. I'll get through this. In less than two weeks, I'm free to binge watch Netflix, devour books on Oyster (planning to read Philosophy to at least understand what life is all about because right now I can't see it, constantly feeling like I'm living a dream.) & just explore the rest of California and Oregon. 

My week is going swimmingly so far. How is yours? It's 12:17am and I'm ahead of my schedule so I shall reward myself with a movie. 

Till then,

Miss you loads.

On Track

It has been exactly 106 days since I left home. Studying abroad is not the same as going on vacation. After much thought about returning home for summer, I decided against it, because there is really nothing back home for me except my family and friends. What I mean is that for future growth, Malaysia just isn't for me anymore. The opportunities here are limitless. The American dream is true, although discrimination does affect everything, but your effort and dedication can always counteract that.

School has been really good. One would think that AAU is a joke, because of its 100% admissions rate, but let me tell you, my class has gone from 20 people to 10. People are dropping out like dead flies and it is only the first semester. The workload can be intense but with proper time management and hard work, it is manageable. I can still visit museums and binge watch 3 movies in a day.

The amount of concerts here are amazing. In the span of 3 months, I've already seen Bombay Bicycle Club, Childish Gambino and The 1975. There are still a lot more to go, I can sense it in my bones. Not to mention, Outside Lands and possibly Coachella if I play it right. House parties and dorm parties are mediocre. State schools are much better party wise if you are into binge drinking and beer pong.

Assignments are very hands on in art school. Photoshop skills come in extremely handy, especially for notebook pages and presentations. It seems that my internship with TiC came in super handy in the long run. Internships are a great stepping stone for a lot of careers. In America, everyone expects you to have experience, so you need to get what you can now and start working towards it.

Meeting Julian Casablancas was unexpected. I missed his concert as I was on my way back from Reno. On the day that I met him, I found out that he was having a signing over at Amoeba on Haight. My lovely roommate ditched her class in order to accompany me because my phone was fried and thank God she did because I would've been stuck in the middle of nowhere thanks to the switch of MUNI tracks.

Drawing class field trips are fun because we don't get to sit around in a room for 6 hours. We get to see and sketch beautiful places. Take the Japanese Tea Garden for example. Art school is amazing, because this is what I like to do and even though it is a lot of work, I enjoy doing what I do. That's what counts in the long run, I would like to think. So much has happen and there are so many more adventures ahead. I'm grateful to be here.

Reading on the fire escape as the sunsets, walking in the city when it is foggy, visiting new places with great company and just seeing a whole new world at your pace can be liberating. Homesickness comes in waves, but ultimately, I wouldn't go back home if given the chance. I like it here.

This has been an update of sorts. I'm reviving this blog because I'm ready to start documenting my adventures here. It's gonna be one hell of ride, it already has.

Till then,
Talk to you soon.